It's kind of ironic how I'm blogging so much these past few days. I used to think blogging was stupid and spewing out your own opinions or thoughts (especially when you're making yourself vulnerable on the internet) just means that you're going to come across a whole bunch of judgmental people and haters, and plus I'm a pretty judgmental person myself. Well, I guess for the most part everyone is. But getting past all of that, blogging can be quite therapeutic, and in the end people aren't going to stop judging and haters aren't going to stop hating. Also probably due to my insufficient amount of friends that I can rant to, why not just rant on a blog? Ugh, that sounded so pathetic.
After spending quite a few hours at the library "studying" for my psychology final, I came to realize that I have this big I DON'T GIVE A SHIT attitude. Not so much towards people, but to certain things that I don't even have the slightest interest in. In this case it was psychology, or even school for that matter. Me, here, in front of my laptop blogging instead of studying right now is a prime example. I don't give two shits about school. I don't care if I'm on academic probation. I don't care if I get kicked out of college. There, I finally said it. To be honest, the reason why I thought I cared about doing poorly in school was because I didn't want to disappoint the people that already look down on me. But just for their sake, I'll just try my best for now and see how this really turns out for me, since I've already dug myself into this supermassive black hole and it's going to take a lot for me to get out of it.
Sorry dad, but this isn't what I want to do. This might sound really selfish of me, but if I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, I'm never going to be happy myself. The only question is: how am I going to bring it up to you? You're already ashamed of who I am since I'm not your typical smart or hardworking-Asian-UBC-SFU-student kind of daughter that you probably really wanted me to be. I'm actually the complete polar opposite. Not to mention that you've told me numerous times that you sometimes regret having me as a daughter. It's really not your fault that I became such a screw up to you. It's just that life's never fair and you can't always have it your way, and I wasn't what you expected of me, at all.
